today is our anniversary. what a year. jodi said this morning that when the student is ready the teacher appears, but so many times i feel that the lesson is too hard, if i indeed know what it is. even christmas day which was on the surface great and she had a good time was a lot of the time torture for me. i am writing this in an alcohol coffee headache fuzz, post-yoga 49 year-old charlie.
washing, paint the wall, fold clothes, to much to do. trying to write, my wrists cramping. can’t figure out how to add a video/adding it to youtube. i am so tired. coffee alcohol. exhausted all the time.
the moment when she did not like the bag and kristen phoned in the middle of us opening presents. coming to bodychoir to find steven glicker’s hands all over her.
hard to describe the utter despair i feel sometimes. what is marriage for if not to share those moments. what am i for in her life. i miss luann a lot of the time. miss the ease and connection. i am about to go to west texas with someone who does not want to. luann loves it out there.
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